Lisa (skinnyanguish) wrote,
Lisa
skinnyanguish

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Just Venting

Well, I suppose it was inevitable. Dad's always held his medical conditions over my head, I guess it was only a matter of time until he started wielding the power of the heart condition. I woke up violently nauseous today. Probably just a reaction to the stress of the past few days, but doesn't make it any less miserable. I've barely been able to eat or even get out of bed. Well, Dad gets it into his head to go to the grocery store. And I'm supposed to go too. Well, first it's just going to be milk and bread. Okay, fine. I can stay upright that long. First, I need to get the trash out. Okay, fine, I can do that if I must. Then Dad makes a long, detailed grocery list...I'm almost puking just looking at the list. I tell him I can't go do all that today. Apparently I didn't say it in the right tone of voice, or with the right look on my face or something. He goes into a black rage, despite me getting dressed and out the door to go with him anyway.

Now he's been raging at me for the past four hours. We ended up only getting bread and milk. He's furious about that. He's furious that I "treated him like an invalid." He's furious that he "dared to ask me to get off my ass and do something and I refused." The worst part? He keeps repetitively informing me that he is going to have a heart attack from getting upset, and it is entirely my fault for "riling him up." According to him, his emotions are entirely under my control, and it is my fault that he is raging.

He's been off and on holding his chest. He won't take his nitro. He swears his chest doesn't hurt. He can't wait till his doctor appointment tomorrow, when the doctor is apparently going to tell me how I am going to cause him to drop dead. He flatly refuses to accept apologies, calm talk, being ignored or anything else. He likes the feeling of power, it's the same one he gets when his blood sugar is 50 and he refuses to eat because I've wronged him somehow.

Meanwhile I'm still nauseous and rather dizzy. But why should my medical condition matter? It never has before. It's all about Andy.
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